Talking about choices, each day everyday will affect how I will make a decision regarding my future. My family, my parent's health and other factors that still weigh in. I know my parents are not getting any younger. Sometimes, I forgot that I'm not the only one that is growing up. They are growing old. As much as I hate to say this, my father's health is not getting any better and I don't know if within this 4 years, he might could have retire from his job because of his health and age. Yes, I do want to go back to school and earn my degree but then again, I am the eldest and I have a bigger role to play in my family. Nothing beats dilemma like these. I keep telling myself that I should just continue with my studies and get a degree and after that, I am able to get a better job then start work after my service to the country. 4 year is a long time and 4 years, anything could happen. Sometimes, I'm afraid to play a bigger role in my family, maybe, I haven't grow up yet, maybe I'm still swimming in a shallow pool, maybe I'm afraid of commitments, maybe I'm afraid of not being able to make it out there, maybe I don't want to live the life that I have now, maybe I'm just afraid of the future, maybe, I'm not mature yet, maybe I can't think straight, maybe that's gay, maybe I should let nature take its course, maybe I should know what I want clearly, maybe I should wait and see, maybe I should not continue my studies, maybe I should be just like any under achieving people in Singapore, maybe that's what I need in this life, maybe not, maybe I should find a solution, maybe I should confide a mentor, maybe I should go for counselling, maybe if it's free, maybe I'm thinking too much, lately, maybe I should wait and see, maybe I should apply for another degree course, maybe a degree is not important as much as happy family, maybe I refuse to believe that, maybe hardwork and determination could beat a piece of paper, maybe that's true, then again, maybe not, maybe this is the life that God want's me to live, maybe again, I don't know, we don't know, maybe this is a test, maybe this is just a dream, maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe I need to put my family first than myself, maybe that's life, maybe, maybe, maybe.
I walk to camp because I don't have a choice but I do have an option. You see, the only reason why I walk to camp is to save my money on my ez-link card or basically, the money spent to take a bus. Yes, I am living everyday saving every penny as I can because I don't have a choice but to serve this country, but I do have other options. I get paid a tiny sum of 'allowance', that's what they call it, because I don't have a choice, because I just choose an option in my early part of my national service. Choices is not the same as options. You might have a choice but your options are limited you see. You might have many options to take but there's only one choice to be made. Talking about choices, each day everyday will affect how I will make a decision regarding my future. My family, my parent's health and other factors that still weigh in. I know my parents are not getting any younger. Sometimes, I forgot that I'm not the only one that is growing up. They are growing old. As much as I hate to say this, my father's health is not getting any better and I don't know if within this 4 years, he might could have retire from his job because of his health and age. Yes, I do want to go back to school and earn my degree but then again, I am the eldest and I have a bigger role to play in my family. Nothing beats dilemma like these. I keep telling myself that I should just continue with my studies and get a degree and after that, I am able to get a better job then start work after my service to the country. 4 year is a long time and 4 years, anything could happen. Sometimes, I'm afraid to play a bigger role in my family, maybe, I haven't grow up yet, maybe I'm still swimming in a shallow pool, maybe I'm afraid of commitments, maybe I'm afraid of not being able to make it out there, maybe I don't want to live the life that I have now, maybe I'm just afraid of the future, maybe, I'm not mature yet, maybe I can't think straight, maybe that's gay, maybe I should let nature take its course, maybe I should know what I want clearly, maybe I should wait and see, maybe I should not continue my studies, maybe I should be just like any under achieving people in Singapore, maybe that's what I need in this life, maybe not, maybe I should find a solution, maybe I should confide a mentor, maybe I should go for counselling, maybe if it's free, maybe I'm thinking too much, lately, maybe I should wait and see, maybe I should apply for another degree course, maybe a degree is not important as much as happy family, maybe I refuse to believe that, maybe hardwork and determination could beat a piece of paper, maybe that's true, then again, maybe not, maybe this is the life that God want's me to live, maybe again, I don't know, we don't know, maybe this is a test, maybe this is just a dream, maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe I need to put my family first than myself, maybe that's life, maybe, maybe, maybe. Problems come and go, how we deal with it shows how we roll. Take a fork and stab it, problems bleed like humans do, problems are solvable like equations do. Take a breather, take a step back, take a binocular, take a microscope, look things at a different perspective but not from the top of a building. I document this phase as new month starts tomorrow on the 1st of November 2012. 2 more months till the new year. Medication takes time to kick in, same as drugs do to fiends.
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