February 18 today and it's almost August. Time is a bullet train without the gun powder. The trigger is in your hand and yes time can kill people.
Accident don't kill people, the inertia do.
Life is but a dream. A dollar and a dream. Dream is such an incredible thing to do when you're asleep. Cause when I dream, I just like how everything turn out to be. It's like I let things happen for themselves and I just watch and participate how I am suppose to be dreaming in my dream. Dream is such a short term kind of thing that after a while, I use to forget things about my dream little by little, but still remember some vividly.
Another weekend, another cafe to explore or in this case, bakery. To explore. I don't really know how long we will be doing this, as in, exploring and going to different eateries every weekend. Well, it is fun and I got to admit but there's always a time where everything just seems to bore you and all you want to do is to be home and spend time with your loved ones. I guess that will only happen to me when I'm 99. I enjoy travelling and explore and expand my boundaries of my life. I just wished I have an automatic map where it will indicated where I have been and not. I will make sure every part of the map will turn green which could mean that I've traveled to every corner, every road, every city. But that is just impossible because I won't enter Geylang Lorong 24.
Mustafa Centre. Should have call it Mustafa's World. It's a city of its own. You can actually live in Mustafa Centre and you can find all the things that you need here. If there's one place if I ever locked myself in, it would be here. If Walking Dead really happen, say hello to my new Camp, Mustafa Camp. Oh by the way, I am watching the new episodes of Walking Dead.
Technology kills us. Already had and always will be. Look at The Terminator. Look at the Matrix. Look at I, Robot. Look at Einstein. Look at Fat Boy. Look at Iraq. Look around you. Look in the mirror. Look at the mirror.
Keeping safe and protected is always our top priority. Even when we are down and dirty. Whatever happen to risk taking. Whatever happen to don't-give-a-fuck attitude. Settle down settle down. We are living in the 2013. No one wants to catch aids and have a life sentence. We are all in the pursuit of happiness and happyness. We are in the pursuit of good photographs to instagram and the need to be better than other people, especially, your neighbour or your foes. Basically, everyone's a hatter and everyone's in the food chain. Me included, but battery sold separately. We need to vibrate yourself and look around you before you pick up such sensitive things because you never know who's looking at you doing the stuffs that you do. A tattle teller is around you somewhere hiding up on top of the trees like a Pontianak.
Now let's talk about pants. Pants are very important as they keep your private parts safe and out of sight from the rest of other people and aliens. Pants are also important in a sense that who wear the pants, they are in control and dominating the relationship. Well, I wear pants everyday. So Mr Presidents and Mr Prime Ministers of all over the world, you are wearing such important pants, make sure it's iron properly and zip it, ya'll don't wanna let anything trouble stick out.
Mustafa Centre here I come. Kamarul Centre. After a while, it will have a sound to it.
Sugar is sweet while lemons are sour, bitter gourd is bitter and losing is too. Age don't exist, complications do, diseases do, fear don't. Kurt Cobain didn't kill himself, he just blowing his head off. I'm on my way to train myself up, physically and not mentally yet to get ready for reality after serving my nation. So far so good and a few more months of shaping up and strength training, I hope to get a fit body so that I can work as a model for A&F. Ok I'm just kidding but maybe I can consider myself being a model. A supermodel!
Marc Jacobs is gay and I'm happy about it. Honestly, I'm facing one of the most dangerous diseases out there, which is Jaded and Writer's Block. Add a little distraction and procrastination and what you get is cancer. All this got to stop, I need to take my medication in a form of a drawing block and a pen. I need my ward to make magic happen again. Sleep and rest is important but I guess they are not as important as accomplishments.
Apparently, the girl loves french fries! She's been eating fries when I just discovered music! Oh my! I discovered music late when my dad would occasionally open up karaoke but mostly dangdut music. There were the first few tunes that I started singing before Marshall grab me to his side. That mountains of fries may look a lot but I counted and it's only 89 pieces. But the tag team duo managed to finish it off with their trademark finisher and soon after, it was all clean.
Let me start by saying ummmm, ummmm. Let me start by saying that ummm, humanity is about the state of being human and to be human, we need to live with certain characteristics and compassion. Being human is a privilege and being a criminal is a choice. Being human is a chance, to make it right on Earth so as to live forever in the after life. But honestly speaking, there's just too much right and wrong. We may agree on certain things but we may not see eye to eye on another thing. Well, well, well, how I wish I can take water from a well. Veil, veil, veil, we are all living under a veil. An invisible veil that we put on when we go to work, when we go to school or when we serve our country. A veil so strong that it could even possess you and make you do things that you are not suppose to or against you. As much as I assure myself that I am not wearing one, I still thing that I am wearing a veil. But that doesn't mean that I'm evil or having a hidden agenda, it just makes me to be a better man by controlling the words I say and the actions I do. It's hard honestly to hold back certain actions or words but that's just how life is, compromising good and evil in our everyday life to strike a balance of being true to yourself and being fake. I don't even know why am I writing this down, maybe it's my hobby to write or maybe I got certain things to let off from my non hairy chest. Maybe this post is targeted to a certain group of individuals or maybe a group of hooligans, and by the way, I am a hooligans, a yahooligans. Google is my best friend and ns.sg is my baby. I'm not a father but I fathered alot of works that I am proud of and some which I don't, does that make me a bad father, I don't think so. We all have our favourite children right. No, I'm not suppose to say that but I did because we all have favoritism and I express the shit that I don't like. I'm sorry that I could even fathered in the first place. Read between the lines is the most bullshit phrase I ever heard. As an Idealist, I always picture things to be at their utmost positive. Same goes to my vision of life. There will always be something right for you. Maybe not at this moment, but one day it will come. I appreciate words and I abhor profanity. I don't use it as much as I like to because let's face it, I don't have to use it in my everyday context, and if possible, I don't ever want to use it. I think using words with a stronger meanings is much more powerful than a single-profanity-word. Sarcasm is a bliss and blissfully, I am hoping that my love for reading and writings words grows with me. As we are on the topic of Humanity, give and take is also a bliss. Compromise is hard to do but it is the right thing to do at most situation.
As much as I want to be poor, I just can't. I couldn't afford to have 0 dollars in my bank which I used to before. I just can't part away with my money because as I grow older, I've grown wiser that money is powerful. It could break relationships, it could make relationships and it could even kill a person. Indeed money is the root of evil but not all evil. If taken care carefully and spent wisely, money could do good than bad. There's so much for me to think about when it comes to money. I have to accept the reality that after September, I will have no more allowance from ah gong and this means that I can't spend on luxury items and I need as much money as I can. I think no one can feel how I feel even if I try to express how I feel on my blog post in words, sometimes, you are just not me and you don't know what it feels like to be me. Living with all these pressure and boulders on my shoulder, maybe I'm just in the wrong country and my country and family expectation is too much for me. But guess what, my expectation of me is much higher and I aim to be high without smoking weed. Sure expectations can be good but it's harder to balance time to spend on my life, art, country, family and my love. It's just too hard to balance and there are no right or wrong just that I'm just expressing, as in just telling you my issue, that finding time for all that needs clever planning and sometimes, improvisation. It's not that I don't know how to juggle all that, actually, i'm a good juggle of my time, just that they don't know how to juggle me, it's not me, it's them. I am not pointing my fingers to the SAF don't worry. I'm just pointing my time at the clock and calendar because these 2 are always moving too fast that sometimes, I forgot that I am growing up and I don't need to go on a holiday just because I need a bloody holiday. Spending money feels good but having more money is even better. Then you would come at me and tell me that why have all that money but you can't find happiness. See, that's my whole point of this post, there are no right or wrong, it's all subjective and some people can't accept subjective because their whole life have been an objective to live by orders and not have their own way of thinking. My name is Kamarulzaman, I am a Singaporean, an idealist and all I want is to live the life I want to and have my strawberry studel now.
I was thinking about Death then it struck me. The harsh reality of death is simple, you won't be exist to do the things you do when you're alive. I was in the train this afternoon when suddenly the though of me dying struck me like lightning. I was really really scared. I couldn't accept it. I felt like I did not do enough on this earth if I were to die tomorrow. Definitely, a sense of guilt I have and yoda I learned from you. I was thinking of all the things I couldn't do like for example, being alive and kicking, experience life and lastly if I could recalled, the ability to walk talk and all-the-things-we-do-when-we-are-alive. I know death is not in our hands but it belongs to God's but I hope I'm not going to be criticised for writing this. It was like I took a bungee jump and my heart was literally numb for a moment, and all I could think of doing next was to cry. Death hit you like a boxer's punch but then I thought to myself, what happen after we die. Will I be still be able to assess to my Instagram account and my email? I guess not because I know heaven is not that kind of place but who knows maybe heaven is a place like earth. No one knows how heaven is. Then I thought to myself, if I remove all context of religion, after death, we are nothing. There's no place we go other than disappearance into thin air. I am blank, you are blank, all death will be blank, like complete darkness and a sound of silence. Then I tried to make myself feel better by not thinking about dying but instead, I tried hard to felt again that loss of life a few moments ago where I did but I could not. It's simple, remove all thoughts of dying and you will enjoy life but if you keep a small thought of dying, then maybe you will enjoy life in a meaningful way. Peter Tosh put it perfectly when he said 'everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die'.
Heaven is a place on earth with you.
National Archives Of Kamarul